Saturday, October 3, 2009

can we really have a specific order.. all the time?

During lecture, our instructor asked us to rank 4 things that influence relationships.

1. intimacy vs distance
2. openness vs closeness
3. autonomy vs connection
4. novelty vs predictability

different people gave different answers. most girls said they put the predictability and closeness first. most guys ranked intimacy higher. however, different people have different opinions about ranking these and the ranking can vary from who they are looking at also.

within each of the influences, the degree may vary. to some intimacy is not really important as they are very happy with just being around that person. to some, it maybe be important as they may loose interest in the person if the distance is too far and they see less of each other.

some prefer to come clean with things they have done with their partner. some try not to tell too much as they feel they need the privacy. either way, there are things that will not be revealed to the partner. these maybe some of the 'deep dark secrets' that could jeopardize the relationship.

autonomy vs connection is a very important influence. to me, if there is not much connection to the relationship, it will not go far. however, there is a need for rational thinking also. if there is connection but there are other odds that hinder the couple, they might want to reconsider. personally, rational decisions can be made together with the partner as such, connection takes priority over autonomy.

lastly, novelty vs predictability. some people are in it for the routined way of life. a predictable pattern of events that gets them through the day. not exciting, but if the couple likes it, it can be seen as the safer option. if someone is in it for novelty, every day would bring different challenges and different events that happen. to me, i'd like a mixture of both. unpredictability would definitely 'add flavour' to the relationship but a certain degree of predictability helps to keep both parties on the same frequency.

how would i rank them? it depends on from person to person and if we have anyone in mind. you can go around saying that you put intimacy first.. always.. that way, people might look at you with an raised eyebrow. sometimes, openness is not the first thing to look out for too.

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